“Hey Women ! Stop playing the victim ...” - My response, and why women need women-only spaces

Today I responded to an article that was posted up on a group that I run. 

 I didn’t actually read the article itself, but the excerpts that were posted as an intro to the article made my flames rise, I have to say !

I was asked by a member of the group to post my reply as a blog post, so here it is !! ...


 But first, the intro that riled me ! ...

"It is time to move from being the victim to being the compassionate, understanding heart who moves beyond anger...

...We must look beyond the eyes of a victim, and see that we are ALL the threads that interweave into the tapestry of our planet, of our history...

...Humanity is suffering, and if we point our fingers at the opposite gender and blame them for our pain, then we are creating even deeper wounds for the collective...

...How can we educate and communicate with men about how we want to be treated if we are not creating a container for this conversation to happen?"

 From the article ..

“Healing the Manipulated Masculine and Wounded Feminine” by the Good Men Project


My response ...

 “I think it is hugely important for women to have woman only spaces to unpick their stuff in. 

 I say this as a woman who has run women’s circles for years. 

 I am regularly told by attendees how valuable this female only space is to be able to dig deep into their own pain stories. 

I think women deserve the space to be able to do this in safety, without judgement, and without men there, when much of their wounding often does come from the wounded masculine. 

 This is not about playing the victim. 

 For many women, this may be the first opportunity where they have felt safe and held enough to even acknowledge to themselves that they were harmed. Let alone saying the words out loud. 

Having others witness our story, and not judge us for it is such an important part of the female healing journey. 

 Exploring that identity as a victim is but one stage of the healing journey, and I agree, it should not be wallowed in. But I think it is very important because this is where we can grieve over our own painful experiences. 

 When others tell us not to be a victim, it invalidates our right to have our story heard without judgement. 

 Every woman needs to decide for herself when she has had enough of being a victim, or being broken. 

 And then the next step of the healing journey begins.... to release the grief of how we were harmed. To reclaim our power, and our soul energy from those who took it. 

 To gloss over the fact that men are taught to take women’s power, is to let them off the hook. 

 It is the same as talking about women being raped but not talking about the men who raped them. 

 While wallowing I’m blame is not helpful either, those who have harmed us must be held accountable. And the harm needs to be acknowledge for the experience to be validated for the one who was harmed. 

 Every woman takes her own time to traverse these different stages of the journey. 

And while we can encourage them and inspire them to take the next step, I don’t believe we should rush them or judge them for not walking quicker. 

I will always hold female-only space for women to heal, as I know how very important it is for their healing journey, to be safely held by other women. 

This is not sexism. It is not anti-man. 

It is about giving victims of violence refuge from their abusers in order for them to heal. 



Joanna Joy.❤️


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